4:37 p.m. - 2008-02-05
Doc! Doc!
OK. Most people know me as a prankster. A clown. A comic wanabe. Today I will tell you the tale of my vasectomy and the resulting chaos.
The first urologist I visited was named Robert Chopp. No shit. His name was DICK CHOPP. (Honest To God). During my entire life this was the only physician who asked me to remove all my clothes on the first visit. I had a bad feeling about the whole name thing and with the getting naked on the first visit so I decided to change doctors.
The next doctor I saw was just my style. Older. A little grey. And on the first visit he did not demand that I shed my clothes. All he wanted to do was talk. How long had I been married? How many kids? Are you sure you do not want more? etc.
We set a date for the vasectomy and when the date arrived I met him at the hospital. It was an out patient procedure and low key. They give me the gown to change into and soon I was on the table with an attractive female nurse shaving my genitals and making small talk. It seemed to me there were a lot of nurses walking past and taking a look at the shave I was getting, but maybe I was just paranoid.
The doctor arrives on the scene and now there are two young female nurses assisting. The doctor finishes one side and asks me if I am sure I do not want any more kids. He can stop now and I will still be fertile. I tell him to go ahead and do the other side, no more kids for me.
So he finishes up the procedure and begins to tell me what happens as far as recovery goes, not to lift, keep ice on it for the day.
Then he tells me that I will need to bring a "specemin" in for him to check under the microscope to make sure that the surgery was successful. But don't do this until you have had at least 40 ejaculations.
I'm still laying on my back so I raise my arm with the watch on it and say "Forty ejaculations? What time do you open in the morning, Doc?"
The two nurses almost drop to the floor laughing. The doctor is looking stunned and yelling "NO, NO, Mr. For-Tart. That's not what I mean!"
It took me five minutes to calm the Doc down and convince him I was just pulling his leg.
