3:19 p.m. - 2008-02-15
Hey, Paw! Barney has his bullet out!
I finally figured out how to make my penis a foot long......................................................fold it in half. ba da boom
So much for old jokes.
My hair is a problem. No, it's not falling out, it has it's own personality. I even wrote a song about it once comparing it to the hair of Lyle Lovett.
"I've got Lyle Lovett hair goddamnit.
I've got Lyle Lovett hair, I can't stand it.
I've got Lyle Lovett hair like a freak at the fair"
And it goes on for several painfull verses.
I was in the habit of combing it straight back like Christopher Walken. And it looks great in that style. For about two weeks. Then it comes alive. I become four inches taller overnight and small children are afraid to approach me. Hell, Elvis would not dare come close to the wavy mass reaching for the sky from my misshapen skull. It is thick and as dense as a black hole. Add to that a little grey creeping in and there is only one option left.
The Opie haircut.
You remember Opie Taylor who lives in Mayberry, right? And I'm sure you remember his 1950's haircut straight from Floyd's barbershop. It's short. It's parted on the left. It's boring as hell.
That is where I am, hair wise, at the moment. It will change at some point. Perhaps when small children piss me off or if I hear of Christopher Wallken looking for a fresh drinking buddy. But for then next few weeks I WILL be Opie.
kissmyassmotherfucker
