4:09 p.m. - 2008-06-25
Let's have a big hand for this dumbass
What is life all about? I still do not know. I can give you a list of things I do know.
I know the answer to the question: What is art?
The answer is: Art is a window washer.
At least that is what a girl I was dating in college told me.
(I hear he is also a cook in Arizona.)
I also know that I am taking on a new challenge soon. Several of the comedy clubs have open mike nights for those brave enough to be heckled. You get a microphone and three minutes on stage. It may take me a month or so to get the material and the nerve, but I have decided that I will give it a try. I figure, the way my brain works, it will block out any painful memories. As a backup there is always tequila.
The list of material to make fun of is enormous. Obama, McCain, global warming, your mother, my mother, people who just don't "get" Texas.
(you can't make fun of Texas or Texans or your tires will be slashed and your children will be treated like Oklahomans. that's just a fact of life here. get used to it or move to Oklahoma.)
If I get booed off the stage I figure I can always change shirts and sit in the audience and heckle the next poor bastard who thinks he is going to change the world with his words.
Let's try a few jokes, shall we?
Hello, ladies and gentelmen. Glad to see you all here tonight. Remember there is a two drink minimum and the wait staff is allowed to feel up your dates during the intermission.
Tonight we are experimenting with a new kind of comedy. It's called flacid penis comedy.
(pause)
Really. It's sure to become the next big thing.
(here is where there will either be a laugh or deading silence)
OK. I see this is going to take a case of Carlsberg, a stimulant, a mellower, a bottle of Jack and some lube.
See you on the stage.
